for 2 weeks

well.

the past two weeks have been really tiring. making decisions, talking to many people, getting opinions, hearing from God, etc etc etc. and right until the final moment, there was so much relief.

if you dont already know, im referring to running for council exco. they opened up the application right after june camp, which was a thursday, and we had to submit it in a week's time. so i prayed lots bout it, spoke to various people bout it, and yeah, basically i had already made up my mind on tuesday. i decided that i was gonna run, and i was gonna go for president as well.

BUT! char, the brilliant soul, (whom i love very much), asked me to really think bout it and make sure i knew what i was getting myself into. and that, for some reason, made me lose faith, and i wavered like crazy. i started to doubt, i started to think if it was really what God had wanted for me, whether it was a right decision or not. and it took sooooo long for me to decide again. and right until like 8pm on the submission day, my form was still empty. and it was getting scary.

i had a lot of concerns, a lot of fears, a lot of worries. and even right now, i cant even say what they were about. because i dont know. there was just this bugging uncertainty and unpeace within me, about whether to go for it or not. but He spoke to me, and He showed me part of His will for me at that point in time. and i am really thankful. God told me that everything was in His hands, and to give Him a chance to show me what He could do in my life if i just let Him. and of course, He also revealed many other things, but they're a bit more personal, so yes. hahah i will stop here.

so i filled in my application form, submitted it, and really just felt so relieved. and imma post my feelings bout the elections today on my lj so my flist will feel a bit more included ahah. imma leave it open for a week, then its gonna be f-locked. well, if i remember it, that is.

anyway, very very thankful that andrew is pres, and very thankful for my position as vice pres. also very thankful for the rest of the exco, and i believe that God will move all of us to do things for Him.((:

love you allllllls.

not excited for tmr

nope, not at all.

i know you're reading this, grace. ((:

overload

hahaha amusing.

i think 30% of the people i know are now attached. hahah. and i never knew bout it! ahahha.

the best was during ongko's party. found out that like. 40-50% of the people present are attached. hahaha and slowly, i keep getting more news and finding out more secrets from various people HAHHA DAMN EXCITING.

i bet pris is all like "whens it my turn" ahhahah.

i love yall. so sweet.((:

brings back memories

for the last 6 months, ive lost my way countless times.

everything ive worked for, everything ive built up for the last two years in mg, i lost it all in ac within half a year.

its time to build everything up again. right from scratch. but at least i know im not alone. at least now, i have other people to build it up with.

thank you char phang! youve been an awesome source of support for me for the past week. im sorry i always irritate you and make you very impatient. but thank you very very much. i think ive said all i had to say in the email.((: love you charxxx.

please

i dont know if ive taken the right action or not.

i dont know if this is what You want for me or not.

i dont know what to expect.

i dont know if i can.

all i know is that this is in Your perfect plan.

every step i take, i take in You.

show me Your face, O Lord
i want to know You more
i want to stay
right here with You
all of my days

i suppose i should do some reflections.

so first up, cf camp! all i know just before the camp was that i needed to go back to God. that i needed a fresh touch from him. and i got it. and i thank God for once again calling me back into his kingdom. and really, God has spoken to me during camp in a way like no other. he has put songs into my head, he has given me visions, he has taught me through his word, he has spoken to me in the prayer room, he has touched me through worship, he has encouraged me through fellowship. and camp was really something i believe changed many peoples' lives. whether or not it ran as planned, whether or not the schedule was followed to the minute, it doesnt matter. cos God worked in the camp, he walked with each and everyone of us during the camp. i believe all the campers met him face to face. and his perfect plan has come through.

on the first night, when we had pt, i was really challenged. cos i expected camp to be really really God focused and suddenly, the camp comm started to be all strict and imposing all these physical challenges on us, and i was kinda like, this is crazy. cos i knew i was gonna get this crap during council camp already. but now that i think bout it, i really pushed myself and i was prepared for council camp. and God also spoke to me when i spent time reflecting. and even until now, there are still things i dont understand, there are still messages hidden and that i cannot fully comprehend, but i know God will reveal them to me when i'm ready.

cf camp was just awesome. really appreciate the camp comm for all their efforts, and their hearts were really God centred, and he really blessed the camp and lifted their efforts.

next, famine camp. it was just dumb. honestly. i mean, i could probably say my heart wasnt right, but i honestly honestly feel that it had very bad organisation. and overall, i was just unhappy. i left early cos my arms started to ache really badly at night so in the end i dont get my 30 hours. ugh sickening. UNHAPPY.

Anyway. On to council camp. It sucked really bad at the start of camp. i really couldnt wait for it to be over. im not gonna go into detail, cos i took like an hour to verbally say it to jiap, so you can imagine the time i will take to type and the time you will take to read the post. so yes. but in short, im sure all the elects have had some sort of takeaway, whether individually or as a body of elects. but i know that we're capable of so much more. and honestly, i think the 33rds are a bit disappointed as well, cos there are so many things they wanted us to learn, but that we havent grasped yet. but its okay! i think with more time, and with a good exco, we will go somewhere farrrrrrrrrr.

now the next question is. exco or not, and if yes, president or not. this question has really been bugging me quite a bit. and ive heard from various various people their opinions and stuff. and well, i have yet to come to a decision. but well, eventually, we'll know what happens.

overall, the past 6 1/2 months since dec08 has been very challenging. for the me who doesnt really like to meet new people, i have been with 6 different groups of new people. thats an average of one new group of people per month. and it's really really tiring for me. i mean, can you imagine meeting some completely new people every month and you're expected to get along with them almost immediately? its crazy. but somehow, ive gotten through it. hopefully, this will help in my future meetings with new people. hm.

okay. im tired. i'll see yallllls.

reach out and touch somebody's hand
make this world a better place if you can

adieu, adieu, to you and you and you~

ugh i waste so much time its disgusting.

bye yalls. i'll see you when i get back.