was intending to do this post last night after dinner with meiyan and lipin, but as usual, i procrastinated and got distracted, so it's a day late, but nevertheless.
been thinking about various things that have happened lately, and i won't be explicit here (cos it's not the correct platform) but just about topics on the issue of religion, and more specifically, christianity.
the past couple of months have been interesting. i've spoken to various people about their views on christianity, and all these people come from different backgrounds. and it struck me how wide the range of types of christians there are. on the one hand, i see people who live their lives with pure childlike faith. not to say they dont think or question (i believe they face their own struggles in life), but rather that they choose to take God at his word and really just live by faith, whether it is listening out for what he has to say, reading the bible, coming together to pray, they are just so faithful in their endeavours for God, and their lives are really God-led all the way.
on the other end of the spectrum, there are those who question unceasingly, attempting to reconcile the inconsistencies found within the bible and also between the bible and the world, and when they cannot find a way to reconcile, they place their beliefs aside until something comes along to convince them otherwise.
and then there are those who are kinda like a mix of the two. they question to no end about the bible, about God, and various things, and can find no answer, but still decide to take God on in faith, not losing the hope found in him, nor forgetting the first love that was him.
then comes along another group of old, supposedly mature christians who have grown sick of the faith and who along the way, begin to realise their own shortcomings that seem to have come about as a result of the faith, and then fall away, not knowing if they will ever return.
reflecting upon all these it seems to be that christianity is such a depressing and hopeless thing. why believe in it? the evidence against it (or perhaps, lack of evidence for it) is so much more than the basis to belief in it. and yet we christians are still called to fulfil the Great Commission, and make disciples of all nations? in all honesty, if i were a non-christian, i would think think it's a load of bull. which is why i am so thankful for God's mercy and grace upon me (though one might beg to differ) for placing me where i am in my life, for surrounding me with plenty of good christian friends, and for his gift of the holy spirit. because there have been so many times in my life when i have failed to understand, but somehow the holy spirit grants me understanding, which although i may not be able to verbalise or express it well, i know that as long as i understand, its fine.
despite that, there are still so many questions floating around unanswered and unsettled. like, what is the purpose of prayer if God already has everything planned out? did God intentionally bring sin into the world? at the end of the day isn't God ultimately limited by his character and not free? and many more of the like. how can i keep on believing when i still have so many questions? how do i believe in a God whom i cannot comprehend, who hasnt given me concrete evidence that he exists, whom really might just be a figment of my desire for someone to be in ultimate control because i am not? how can i keep on being a christian? and yet i still am.
my conclusion? i dont have one. even now i still ponder over my faith. over whether or not i'm believing in something that's real, or something futile. i suppose i will choose to be foolish to believe in this something against all odds, something so irrational and seemingly impossible to believe in. my justification? well, soundly worldly enough, just to see where it ends. i will risk this and believe in the impossible and the irrational, and let God write the rest of it.
