2am

i dont know what to do and who to believe anymore.

everyone's really confusing me and i cant seem to hear anything anymore.

shit. everything just hurts so much.

i want to believe its true. but i cant. because its not the whole truth.

im exhausted. i havent slept for a very long time.

thursday night i stayed up to finish some last minute work. and had 2 cans of red bull. also got to kind of clear things up. and had another can. and after that i couldnt sleep. so i stayed up the entire night. thinking half the time of what just happened. it really sucks. and i feel like crying so badly. i feel like giving up so badly. i dont understand a single thing. plus, at this time right now too, when exams are nearing and im being so distracted.

cos i couldnt sleep and all, i decided to go for a run at 6. it was good; i havent ran in ages. and cos it was my first time going to the park, i kinda got lost getting back (it was pitch black, shut up) so i only got home at 7.

bathed, did qt and slept for like 1/2 before waking up and going to school for SL event. the SL badge is seriously how cool lah. pfffffffffft. im jealous.

anyway. after that i went over to joans, abby was there, downed another 2 cans of red bull, study study study. managed to finish quite a lot of physics. kim came over. talked to kim for a bit, met belicia, went for dinner.

after dinner went to btp, walk walk walk, finally went to pizza hut to eat dessert.

good quotes of the day:

me and abby: *talking bout ongko*
me: actually ongko is slow. she's book smart but not street smart. i'm street smart but not book smart. abby, you're not smart.

after dinner:
belicia: so where shall we go and drink coffee?
me: haha no one wants to drink your dog.
kim: *30 seconds later* ohh hahaha i just got it. ahhahah.
joan: *2 minutes later* huh?
bkk: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
me: joan you wols lah!
joan: whats walls (wols)!
kim: joan, spell "wols" backwards.
joan: sllaw?

hahahahah omgggg i cant believe joan heard wols as walls. hahahaha damn funny lah.

after that went home with kim and belicia. and when i was on the bus, kim texted me:

Kat;)dont so stressLike you told me before dont fret too much,things will sort out!I might not be the one you want to say this but i'm here for you;)even at 2am

THANK YOU KIM JANET LEEE I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH.(((: seriously. thanks for listening to all my shit and forever being so patient with me. its damn tough to have a friend like me (i admit it) but seriously. thank you SO much okay. i love youuuuuu. and no, i'm not bi. ahhahhaha.

sigh. i have wonderful friends around me. but there are of course, the other extreme end of the chain. friends who need more attention. of which i will gladly give, but only if its to be reciprocated.

"i dont wanna mislead you on to anything anymore. ive said what ive wanted to say, ive done all i could, ive also heard you say your thoughts, now we're even. we'll break for a while; miss each other too much before falling back into temptation again. but by then, we'll be so much stronger because we'd know how things work, and we'll be able to face the circumstances that come our way - together."

so sweet.((:

what an emo but nice song(:

Gotta Go My Own Way - Vanessa Hudgens/Zac Efron

[Gabriella]
I gotta say what's in my mind
Something about us
doesn't seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've go to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you'll understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another colour turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause I've
gotta do what's best for me
you'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you'll understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away

[Troy]
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

Gabriella
What about trust?

[Troy]
you know I never wanted to crush you

[Gabriella]
and what about me?

[Troy]
What am I supposed to do?

[Gabriella]
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

[Troy]
I'll miss you

[Gabriella]
so
I've got to move on and be who I am

[Troy]
Why do you have to go?

[Gabriella]
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

[Troy]
I'm trying to understand

[Gabriella]
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now

[Troy]
I want you to stay

[Gabriella]
I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am

[Troy]
What about us?

[Gabriella]
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

[Troy]
I'm trying to understand

[Gabriella]
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away

I dont know who you are, but I
I'm with you