It's a beautiful day today. I'm writing this as I'm waiting for the ferry to Tashirojima. I've made it! I'm really excited, although slightly concerned about how I will return to ishinomaki station. But that's for later. I'll worry about it if and when I can bear to leave that island.
I'm just taking some time now to reflect on Uni life, and I marvel at how things have turned out. When I was at Sea Life Park, I thought about how different my life and experiences would be have I gone down other paths. If I had managed to study overseas, I would definitely have grown in other ways. Staying in Singapore did make me bitter, and I wrestled and I struggled and I fought through frustrations and the inability to comprehend why God wouldn't give me what I wanted more than anything in the world (at that time).
I thought about what might have happened had I really decided to pursue veterinary studies somewhere else (in spite of my not terrific biology and chemistry grades). How different life would truly be. Ultimately, because of circumstances, I had to stay in Singapore. But even then, I had choices.
I got accepted into NUS FASS and NTU psych. I thought of taking a gap year to consider again what I really wanted to study. At that time, I wanted to pursue psych overseas, but now that those doors were closed, I wasn't so sure anymore. So I wanted to take some time off to think about what was it at I really wanted to do. At that time I was relief teaching at ACJC, and I remember Mrs Chan calling me into her office shortly after the results were released to have a chat with me. She advised me against taking a gap year, which I'm thankful she did, and I'm glad I listened to her, because knowing me, that year would probably have been a waste. Now then, it was between NUS and NTU. I remember Ms Yong advising me to go to NUS and not to commit myself so early on to only psych. She told me to keep my options open at NUS, and try out different things. Which I'm so glad I did, because I got to try my hand at a number of different subjects and interests, including theatre, philosophy and (not my favorite) linguistics.
I took a long time to decide what to major in. More accurately, I remained undecided until I got my scholarship just before the start of the second year and was assigned Geography, which was my second choice. I do at times wonder why MOE didn't assign me theatre studies, my first choice, and I think about how different life would be if I had really majored in TS. I would perhaps be a very different person.
After I knew I was going to major in geog, I started researching on the course and department, and the options I had. And I came across this module called field studies, held every summer. And I decided, if I can't study overseas, I will at least jump at any and every opportunity to do so during Uni, like exchange. So I decided I would go for it. But in that year, I had MOE attachment, and I figured it would be easier to push FS back one year than to write to MOE to reschedule my attachment. So I went for attachment, and met some of the greatest people there who have impacted my life in incredible ways. I was really happy I decided to go for attachment that year, and to have been able to cross paths with these people.
The semester after attachment I left for exchange, which was a dream come true. I went to UCL, no less, and had the greatest experience. I made new friends, caught up with old ones, and learnt so much more about myself. I volunteered, travelled, didn't really study, but still took away many lessons. Time away from friends and family proved to be challenging but sharpening.
The semester after that was year 3 sem 2. Many of my pre-uni friends who were also in NUS were graduating, and at that time I didn't think much about it, but I was sure I was going to be alone in year 4. It wasn't much of an issue; I was used to taking classes alone. There was something very liberating about being alone. But this sem was particularly difficult, possibly due to post-exchange blues. The modules I was taking weren't particularly interesting or meaningful either, so it was really challenging.
The summer following that was when I was to go on FS, and eventually make the majority of my NUS friends. I met incredibly funny and interesting people, and I'm thankful I found a bunch who accepted me and whom I managed to click with and get along with. FS was a wonderful journey as well, so much more meaningful than just classroom teaching. Friendships with the Thai students were made as well, and continue to endure.
With these friends I entered final year, and because all the modules I took were honors modules, I was in class with many of the fellow year 4s, and got to know many more of them, especially in the final sem. Life would surely have been very different had I not made those friends on FS. Not necessarily worse, but different. Very, very different. Have they changed the way I view NUS? Maybe. Have they changed the way I view Geography? Definitely. Also due to the intellectual depth and intensity of honors modules, I've come to love the subject I'm studying. I still struggle with the concept and process of studying, because I think it's highly self-serving, but I suppose in times like these, I should keep an open mind and look for ways in which I can use the knowledge and skills that I have obtained in my years of education in meaningful and practical ways.
This isn't to say that NUS life was a breeze. It was anything but that. There were extremely trying and discouraging times. There were instances when I just wanted to give up so badly, when everything was a drag, and I was doing things for the sake of doing them. Not the best attitude, I know. But it was tough.
Who knows what the future holds? Who knows if I will keep the friends I make? Who knows if the world will end tomorrow? These are really dangerous thoughts, because they justify living in the present. I believe that to some extent, you create your own future through the choices you make. You have to put in effort to keep and maintain friendships. Friendship is, after all, intentional. And even if the world ends tomorrow, at least you can say that you've given your best today.
I foresee that I will one day look back upon this post and cringe as I read it again because it's so cheesy. But no matter. These are the thoughts that I have today, and tomorrow, I will mature again.
With that, university life is truly over. It has been 4 long years, but I regret none of it. This chapter ends and another will begin.
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