epic journey

yesterday was such a tiring day.

had the first full run for the musical, and mgs girls really kill my brain. mg has really changed so much over the last 3 years after i left. the girls these days are sooooo spoilt. or maybe it's just the particular girls who are helping out for crew, but oh my seriously. not funny.

anyway, that aside, after rehearsal, as i was walking down to the bus stop with crystal, she discovered this little boy walking behind us, and we were wondering where on earth his parents were, cos he was seriously young and definitely shouldnt be allowed out on his own.

anyway to cut the long story short, we asked him to lead us back to his home. he's such a clever and brave boy, but wayyy too naughty. from the sterling, we walked all the way back to maplewoods and he even knew the way back to his unit! ohh myyy such a clever boy. and along the way we found out he was 4 years old, and from auckland.

then when his mum finally found him, she suddenly starting spouting out a string of japanese. we just died hahahah.

anyway, he was a very very cute boy, but we were very very tired after that. what a story to tell man. machiam like come out from drama. hahah.

junior's lessons

i was looking for pictures from mrs noah's arc which im so sure i had it somewhere on my blog, but i cannot find it for some reason. what a waste. i'm so sure i posted it, maybe i didnt publish it...

okay found it here so i did publish it, but i think my previous blog posts were all too long, so blogger didnt show the full month's archives.

anyway, looking back at that production, i realised i've met suven and bob before, but of course, never expected that i should work with them again in 4 years. anyhow.

i was just reflecting on working on this production, and although i complain a lot about rehearsal and about the kids and all, i think im still very thankful that i have this opportunity to work with children. somehow, although they are difficult in the sense that it takes really long for them to settle down, and there are loads of other problems to solve, one thing i really appreciate about them is their sincerity and innocence. they don't judge you for who you are, and when you scold them, they don't take it personally and they bear no grudge. of course, maybe half the time, it's because they have no idea what on earth is going on, but i really love their transparency and their genuinity. they really just accept you, and so many of them are jsut yearning and wanting that attention from you.

makes me think about what i am like as a child of God. do i reflect that same kind of transparency and sincerity? am i non-judgmental? do i forgive and not bear grudges?

i think God has really taught me a lot from working the past 7 months on this musical. i love the children, and sometimes, to be very honest, i find it so much better to work with them than the adults.

i know i always say that i don't want kids, but i still hold true to that statement. i wouldn't mind working with kids, but i wouldn't want kids of my own because they will ultimately grow up to become adults.

well, we're 10 days away from production, and things are still moving pretty slowly, but it's all in God's hands.

but the road ahead is dark
the path we seek we cannot see

the homeless and the heartless

wanted to put this post up two days ago, but got a bit procrastinaty, but here it is.

as i was walking home from the bus stop after surprising salad, as i was nearing my block and heading towards the lift lobby, i saw an aged man folding and laying towels. as i neared him, i realised he was making his bed on one of those ledges. he had a black suitcase near him, and his pillow was made of smaller folded towels bunched together.

i felt like giving him something to eat, but i had no food with me. i felt like giving him some money, but i had no cash with me. so i just walked past him, like every other normal person would.

i guess the reality of the matter is that i was just making excuses for not having the courage to help him, although no one was looking. or was it because no one was looking, so i didn't bother to help him? i could have easily bought something from the coffeeshop for him to eat. i could have just walked a little bit more to withdraw cash from the atm. but i didn't.

it's impractical to want to help every needy person on earth, but isn't it like the story of the boy on the beach who was throwing starfish back into the ocean. the task may be seemingly impossible, but if my reaching out will help that one person, shouldn't i extend it? even if i may face rejection, even if i may face judgment, i shouldn't care about what others think of me right?

but it's so much easier said than done.

boyce avenue

just started listening to them. i like their music, and i like their covers. looks like they'll be sticking around for some time.

okay, i intended to put up a proper entry, but i am way too tired. have a lot of things on my mind to share, but maybe tomorrow morning.

for now, i shall retire.

jenga

was aiming to do a post last night, but fell asleep.

anyway. the musical is a little bit retarded. i dont think i will ever come to comprehend how the minds of little 7, 8 year old girls function. i dont understand how there is such a huge discrepancy between the maturity of girls the same age. it is truly a wonder. anyhow, the progress is a little bit slow, and there still many strings to tie up, but hopefully we'll be ready. well, at least now it's one of the things that take my mind off things.

met bev after dinner yesterday, (are you reading this?((:) which made me think what kind of a friend i've been. and to be completely honest with myself, not a very good one. i have a tendency to pile myself under loads of work and work, and i dont have time for friends. but actually, those are all excuses at the end of the day. it really doesnt take much time to drop a friend a text asking how he/she is. given my now-limited messages, but what was i doing in the past? am i a fair weathered friend? am i a monthly affair friend?

gonna meet joan for dinner tonight, and hopefully it'll be a good session of catching up and sharing our deep, deep troubles. but well, jokes aside, pray that ill be a good friend to her!

life is like a game of jenga. your world is perfect and stable at first, but then change happens which makes it unstable, before you finally crash and your world collapses around you. but take some time to let the pieces settle, and rebuild your life again.

edit//

God sure has a sense of humour. just as i finished posting this entry about friends, someone from a raffles prefects convention posted on my wall. to be honest, im never too keen on 'long time ago' friends saying hi, because it always gets awkward because there's nothing to talk about, other than "hi, how've you been?". i suppose that's one of the reasons why i myself dont bother catching up with people and checking in on how they are, because things get really weird after a while.

but i dont want that to keep happening. i want to make things more sincere. more heartfelt. i want each conversation to mean something to me, rather than just being polite and kind, and because it's the right thing to do.

Lord, guide me and teach me.

show me Your heart

it was a good morning, then a not so good day, then a very good evening.

went back to ac to settle payment for the void deck, and sat in for aa3's gp lesson and met up with sa6 as well. really miss these kids, they (surprisingly) bring so much joy to my life. for the first time in a few days, my mind was taken off other things, and i could really laugh.

then went down to mg for rehearsal. the musical is somewhat coming along, still a bit worried about the standard and quality though and not much time left to rehearse with the kids, but they still aren't taking it seriously. and of course my personal spiritual struggle wrt conflict between the uppers. won't post here, for safety and security reasons, but God, please grant me the wisdom to handle the situation and patience to handle the people. sometimes, it really isn't funny.

then lmg thanksgiving dinner! it was okay, but i think cos there were so many empty spaces of time in between, i got a bit distracted and upset again. idk why this is lasting for so long. idk what the underlying lesson God is trying to teach me. i want to get over it. i want to rest. but im still feeling so burdened - but idk with what. and its a terrible struggle.

but in any case, the sharing and worship sessions were good. just hearing how God talks to each and every one of us so differently really encourages me. and knowing that he remains faithful throughout different circumstances.

You are on Your throne, You are God alone

ok, getting tired and i have other postings to do. but im slowly making up for the omega long hiatus, right!((:

robotz in dizguize.

okay, as promised, my transformers post! although i think i'll probably do another post on lj, here goes.

first and foremost, disclaimer: this is just my personal review of the movie. im not a hardcore transformers fan, but i do enjoy it very very much on a pretty superficial level, so forgive me if i dont understand the essence and the heart of transformers.

warning: may contain spoilers!

watched it at the new lido imax cinema. estee lauder is wayy too rich, they bought the entire cinema. it was crazy. and every pair of tickets was entitled to a free popcorn and a free nachos and cheese, and 2 drinks. it was pretty luxurious.

the screen in the cinema was (a little too) big, and the 3d glasses were strange after a while. to be completely honest, i think the most 3d thing about the whole 3d movie was the subtitles cos they popped out throughout the movie. the rest were kinda like...allright. i guess.

in terms of plot, there was none. okay, fine, some credit, there WAS a plot, but there wasn't much continuation from the previous two movies. i guess that's good for those watching transformers 3 for the first time, but well. and the storyline was wayyy too predictable. clearly not too much thought put in, i think the focus was on (as always) the cinematographic effects, which i will mention later. but i guess that's kind of trademark of transformers. it's a guy movie.

okay, for special effects, i thought it lost to the 2nd movie honestly. it was much too chaotic, half the time you see rubble and debris, and they didnt actually show that much transformation as compared to the 2nd movie. given that there were a lot more transformers in their robot forms, they were mostly nameless decepticons. too little screentime was given to the important transformers (ie bumblebee, megatron). too much on the humans who really aren't half as interesting as the transformers. not in this movie anyway.

characters were pretty simple and 1-dimensional, not many layers, pretty much the same. the only really interesting character i felt was Seymour Simmons. the rest just kinda fell flat. especially the new girlfriend. i wish they gave her a more important and significant role. her talk with megatron was far too desperate an attempt to make her vital in the movie. a bit sad, but yes. and sam's character in this particular movie is SO whiny. it's not endearing anymore. it's become annoying. and i find it quite strange how bumblebee develops feelings for sam. i mean, sure, its a movie. but still...

and they showed wayy too little of sideswipe here. and i just realised how small he is compared to optimus prime. or maybe optimus prime is big. but optimus prime is so annoying. he speaks in such a strange way and tone and his words are so cheesy. i know its the script, but i wish they added more value to his character. i mean, sentinel prime is so much cooler than optimus prime. optimus is just too...prime-ish.

and the movie was a little bit too long. 2 1/2 hours may be a little too long for some. but the action should keep you awake.

well, having said all that, it was generally a pretty enjoyable movie, im just being a bit bitter because sideswipe barely had any screentime. but well, like any other transformers fan, i did enjoy it for the action and effects and transformation. watch it if you have nothing else to watch.

RBG dinner is also FINALLY over, together with LoveMG, so the only thing that's left is the musical. which i like to believe will be over in no time. more things off my plate now.((: yes i can sincerely smile.

on a more serious note, things are still a little bit unsettled within me, but God has added a few songs to my mental prayer playlist, and this is one of them.



Just love them like Jesus
Carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side

idkwtd

it's been tough, and it's been a struggle.

i've reflected so much the past few days that i think there's nothing left in me anymore.

but that's where i know Jesus will come in and life my life again.

the past two days of devotional christian have been nothing short of apt.

6 July 2011 - In the midst of wolves, what does it mean to live as Jesus did?

7 July 2011 - I hate goodbyes

and even as i reminisced about the past and visited some of the old blogs (yes i cleaned up quite a bit), i realised that i wasnt the only struggling with my faith. so many of my friends are. and even people who i think are strong in their faith, they struggle too. and ive learnt that in life, you will never, ever stop struggling. you will always struggle with something. because its only through your struggles that you see Jesus. if life were perfect, Jesus would be pointless.

for he did not come to save the healthy but to heal the sick.

ive been crying a bit (too much) over the past few days as well. not being able to sleep, having no appetite, and just no mood to do anything. putting up a front so i dont disrupt the people around me. but i know that all this will be over soon. and everything will be ok in the end.

go ahead, cry. let your tears wash your eyes so you will see Jesus more clearly.

when i saw my classmates yesterday at the wake, i felt really so discouraged. some of them are christians, others not. but i felt so alone. i felt that God wasn't there at all. christians who swear, christians who smoke, christians who dont care about their faith. and i really felt so stumbled, because for someone who i believed was strong about his faith, i felt that he was such a hypocrite. the 1 year doing bible study with him, seems so wasted. i feel so cheated.

but even as i felt all of these negative emotions, i thought, are these a reflection of what i am like to others? do others feel disgusted and turned off by my behaviour and words too? am i a hypocrite to them?

Matthew 7
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

yesterday also reminded me of something that i've been saying, but never understood the true meaning of.

"but you keep turning to these empty wells whenever you're angry, whenever you're hurting, whenever you're lonely and tired, but they do not work." - God's Chisel

and suddenly the truth pours out to me. how often do we turn to distractions to numb or distract ourselves from the pain and the guilt we feel in our lives? but how much does God want us to turn to him? why do we always have the tendency to choose the harder and more painful route, than the easier and more peaceful way?

we are ultimately all God's creation, and he loves us and wants so much to fellowship with us. when will we stop pushing him away and turn back to him?

"you are my original masterpiece. you are one of my workmanship. in you i find favour." - God's Chisel

remember, kat, that life without Jesus is like a donut (the traditional kind), where there's a hole in the center of your heart.

on a much much lighter note, transformers 3 in 3d with the family tonight! i'm quite excited, and i'll be all ready to make another post on lj after tonight!

It takes faith to understand

And by faith we understand that we do not need to have all the answers, even though we continually seek answers.