LOTS of work to do, but im procrastinating to the max. work just seems so mundane and uninteresting. there are so many other things i would like to do. like just sit in the library and read leisurely and not have to worry about deadlines and grades.
but then i think about it again. why do i have to worry about deadlines and grades? is not worrying a sin, because it shows our lack of faith in God? rather than be dismayed or discouraged, James says that we should rejoice in the face of trials and suffering, because that is God's way of testing our faith.
over the past couple of days the theme of suffering has been exceptionally recurrent. on sunday during worship, auntie maggie was just sitting a few pews in front of me, and i watched as she lifted her hands in praise, and i was just so awed by how even after everything had happened in her family, she's still able to praise God so wholeheartedly and without holding back or questioning. that faith that she has is really so pure and so refined, and so unlike mine.
and then it struck me, that perhaps, just perhaps, it's in the face of suffering that we draw nearer and nearer to God. well, there are two ways to respond to it. you can either be resentful against God and just keep asking why and be upset that things cannot be under your control, or you can recognise Christ as Lord, and that things cannot ever be under your control, and submit to the will of God. in the face of suffering the sovereignty of God is revealed, and it's a choice whether you want to see it and accept it or not.
and then sermon preached by rev gordon wong was on the exact same topic! he preached from joel, and the title was "in the face of calamity", and he spoke about how joel urges the people to return to God in their suffering because God is a vengeful God. joel can also be interpreted as how sufferings are a call from God for his people to return to him. many people think that sufferings are a result of the sins we commit, but instead, we should think of sufferings as a warning and a trumpet blast to return to God before the real punishment for our sins come.
then in bsf last night, we learnt about christian suffering, and i guess the overall message is that christians suffer for a higher purpose, and that it is in God's will for us to suffer, so rather than to look at it from a human perspective, we should rejoice that God is willing to allow us to suffer, and be thankful that he says he will never leave us in the times of our suffering, and he will live up to it.
it's much easier to fall away from the faith than to remain in it, as 1 peter says that there are 2/3 who will wither away, but the 1/3 left will continue to have their faith tested, refined, and purified through suffering and trials and temptations. the question now is, which third will i be in?
a simple post, but i'm hoping that this will give me a new perspective for this especially challenging week. the takeaway for myself is to think about how i can praise God in the face of all the trials and circumstances that i'm in, like how king david wrote the psalms while on the run.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
from a reckless mind
thought a lot about many things today, but was inspired to write mainly on two topics.
thought about the meaning of words today, and how much depth they can convey, how they can be used as both weapons and also to comfort. for some reason, this year in particular i've been hurt by words a lot more compared to past years, or perhaps its because i've been more conscious of it this year. but at the same time i've also learnt the value of words.
i think it really takes a genius to be able to use words effectively, and for that reason i love poems and hymns that really pack a punch - so much depth and meaning so thoughtfully expressed and wrapped in minimal numbers of words. being able to say so much without saying much at all is something i really admire.
especially the meaning behind lyrics of songs. i realised that i've always been quite drunk on how pleasant the tune sounds, how soothing the voice is, sometimes how the tempo suits my emotions, other times even the length of the song. but hardly, hardly do i ever successfully have enough focus to listen and understand all the lyrics of a song. i just get so lost in the melody, and occasionally perhaps some nice, thoughtful phrases from the lyrics surface (particularly from the chorus) and seems appropriate to tweet.
i guess this is because melodies and tunes have the ability to make us feel certain emotions that we want to feel at certain times, and trying to listen out for lyrics is a lot more conscious, takes a lot more effort, and sometimes the diction of the singer is so bad we just give up. (case in point: having listened to the heart never lies by McFly for countless times, only tonight did i realise what he was singing in the first line of the song. imagine that!) it's also definitely easier to hum the tune which tends to be more memorable than to try and memorise all the lyrics.
unfortunately, and i am ashamed to admit, this applies for me to worship songs as well. though i can say i am more familiar with lyrics of worship songs compared to secular songs, i still tend to lose myself in the tunes of the songs and emotions that sometimes overwhelm. and it's really easy to get that emotional high confused with real spirituality. it's a struggle to stay alert be able to differentiate the two, and to worship in a holy manner, because it just feels so good to be on that emotional high. and that's something you can't get when you're fully conscious of yourself. but i suppose the more important thing to note for worship is the motive - for what reason do i worship in the first place? if it's for me to 'feel' something, then that's self-centred worship, which is really paganism and idolatry of myself. it i look forward to worship for some form of self-benefit, then i think it would be much safer not to worship at all.
it's so difficult to find moments nowadays when the lack or absence of words means so much more. people like to talk. so much. which isn't a bad thing. but there are those who really dont know when to stop. they talk too much. definitely just personal opinion, but the moments when two (or more) people can just be quiet together are the most precious. and mind you, not an awkward kind of silence, but knowing that there's more to having a relationship or a friendship than just conversing with words. you dont have to prove anything.
i think one of the few cartoons that really left quite an impact on me was up, the segment of the show when they show ellie and carl growing up, dating, getting married, growing old, all without script. no words at all, save for the part when they first met. 90% of their time spent together was able to be shown and expressed without a single syllable. how amazing is that.
i guess today i learnt this: there is beauty in words, and beauty without words.
i thought also about being in L.O.V.E. okay, i wouldnt say i'm the most experienced with relationships or being infatuated with someone. while i think i give pretty decent relationship advice to friends, i must also admit that i act like an idiot when i have feelings for someone. and when i step out and evaluate my actions and thoughts and behaviour, i wonder how we're one and the same person. it's really quite incredible how having feelings for a person can change someone so much.
it came to mind today that it's so difficult being in love, liking someone, and pining for that person. from personal experience at least, it's awfully tough trying to be level-headed and cope with your feelings and emotions. the most difficult part for me (surprisingly, for some reason) is admitting to myself that i like the person. i dont get why though. i suppose because my own impression of myself isn't someone who likes other people easily, so when i actually do, i'm pretty shocked and at a loss as to what to do with myself.
so then the question was, if being in love is so difficult, why do people still want to be in love, have crushes and infatuations and be in all these strange emotional states? what on earth is up with this curious attraction for another party? well i guess one reason is that if and when you do have feelings for someone, it's something that can come quite unexpectedly and just sweeps you off your feet and takes you by surprise. it's something you cannot control (contrary to some belief that you can 'choose' to stop liking someone, i dont believe so). in my opinion the most you can do is to try to get over the person, but you cannot just simply say "tomorrow i will stop liking him/her" and expect that to happen. chances are, you will probably think of the person the first thing when you wake up in the morning. as many artists and lyricist have very aptly phrased it, "can't help falling in love".
but reflecting upon my own experiences, i think a more core and human reason is perhaps how being in love - that fluttery, air-headed feeling - makes people feel alive. you get a myriad of emotions from being in love - from euphoric to depressed. you really feel a range of emotions and this adds colour to the mundane lives of people, gives it a twist, spices it up a little, and helps people to live. it also teaches people how to think for and about other people, how to look beyond themselves and consider others, and also to get a different perspective on themselves (sometimes). i think there is a lot to learn when you fall in love. you learn to experience and identify new emotions, some perhaps you've never experienced before. you learn to cope with those feelings (at times even raging hormones), you learn what it feels like to force yourself to grow up. you learn what it means to really care for someone else. you learn self control and how to restrict yourself from doing stupid things. you surprise yourself with unexpected actions for the other, and you get a glimpse into another possible 'you'.
well, it's been some time since i last posted. and i think this is quite substantial to last for some more time? ah, as and when the inspiration (and motivation) comes i suppose. activation energy is terribly high these days - must be something to do with age.
thought about the meaning of words today, and how much depth they can convey, how they can be used as both weapons and also to comfort. for some reason, this year in particular i've been hurt by words a lot more compared to past years, or perhaps its because i've been more conscious of it this year. but at the same time i've also learnt the value of words.
i think it really takes a genius to be able to use words effectively, and for that reason i love poems and hymns that really pack a punch - so much depth and meaning so thoughtfully expressed and wrapped in minimal numbers of words. being able to say so much without saying much at all is something i really admire.
especially the meaning behind lyrics of songs. i realised that i've always been quite drunk on how pleasant the tune sounds, how soothing the voice is, sometimes how the tempo suits my emotions, other times even the length of the song. but hardly, hardly do i ever successfully have enough focus to listen and understand all the lyrics of a song. i just get so lost in the melody, and occasionally perhaps some nice, thoughtful phrases from the lyrics surface (particularly from the chorus) and seems appropriate to tweet.
i guess this is because melodies and tunes have the ability to make us feel certain emotions that we want to feel at certain times, and trying to listen out for lyrics is a lot more conscious, takes a lot more effort, and sometimes the diction of the singer is so bad we just give up. (case in point: having listened to the heart never lies by McFly for countless times, only tonight did i realise what he was singing in the first line of the song. imagine that!) it's also definitely easier to hum the tune which tends to be more memorable than to try and memorise all the lyrics.
unfortunately, and i am ashamed to admit, this applies for me to worship songs as well. though i can say i am more familiar with lyrics of worship songs compared to secular songs, i still tend to lose myself in the tunes of the songs and emotions that sometimes overwhelm. and it's really easy to get that emotional high confused with real spirituality. it's a struggle to stay alert be able to differentiate the two, and to worship in a holy manner, because it just feels so good to be on that emotional high. and that's something you can't get when you're fully conscious of yourself. but i suppose the more important thing to note for worship is the motive - for what reason do i worship in the first place? if it's for me to 'feel' something, then that's self-centred worship, which is really paganism and idolatry of myself. it i look forward to worship for some form of self-benefit, then i think it would be much safer not to worship at all.
it's so difficult to find moments nowadays when the lack or absence of words means so much more. people like to talk. so much. which isn't a bad thing. but there are those who really dont know when to stop. they talk too much. definitely just personal opinion, but the moments when two (or more) people can just be quiet together are the most precious. and mind you, not an awkward kind of silence, but knowing that there's more to having a relationship or a friendship than just conversing with words. you dont have to prove anything.
i think one of the few cartoons that really left quite an impact on me was up, the segment of the show when they show ellie and carl growing up, dating, getting married, growing old, all without script. no words at all, save for the part when they first met. 90% of their time spent together was able to be shown and expressed without a single syllable. how amazing is that.
i guess today i learnt this: there is beauty in words, and beauty without words.
i thought also about being in L.O.V.E. okay, i wouldnt say i'm the most experienced with relationships or being infatuated with someone. while i think i give pretty decent relationship advice to friends, i must also admit that i act like an idiot when i have feelings for someone. and when i step out and evaluate my actions and thoughts and behaviour, i wonder how we're one and the same person. it's really quite incredible how having feelings for a person can change someone so much.
it came to mind today that it's so difficult being in love, liking someone, and pining for that person. from personal experience at least, it's awfully tough trying to be level-headed and cope with your feelings and emotions. the most difficult part for me (surprisingly, for some reason) is admitting to myself that i like the person. i dont get why though. i suppose because my own impression of myself isn't someone who likes other people easily, so when i actually do, i'm pretty shocked and at a loss as to what to do with myself.
so then the question was, if being in love is so difficult, why do people still want to be in love, have crushes and infatuations and be in all these strange emotional states? what on earth is up with this curious attraction for another party? well i guess one reason is that if and when you do have feelings for someone, it's something that can come quite unexpectedly and just sweeps you off your feet and takes you by surprise. it's something you cannot control (contrary to some belief that you can 'choose' to stop liking someone, i dont believe so). in my opinion the most you can do is to try to get over the person, but you cannot just simply say "tomorrow i will stop liking him/her" and expect that to happen. chances are, you will probably think of the person the first thing when you wake up in the morning. as many artists and lyricist have very aptly phrased it, "can't help falling in love".
but reflecting upon my own experiences, i think a more core and human reason is perhaps how being in love - that fluttery, air-headed feeling - makes people feel alive. you get a myriad of emotions from being in love - from euphoric to depressed. you really feel a range of emotions and this adds colour to the mundane lives of people, gives it a twist, spices it up a little, and helps people to live. it also teaches people how to think for and about other people, how to look beyond themselves and consider others, and also to get a different perspective on themselves (sometimes). i think there is a lot to learn when you fall in love. you learn to experience and identify new emotions, some perhaps you've never experienced before. you learn to cope with those feelings (at times even raging hormones), you learn what it feels like to force yourself to grow up. you learn what it means to really care for someone else. you learn self control and how to restrict yourself from doing stupid things. you surprise yourself with unexpected actions for the other, and you get a glimpse into another possible 'you'.
well, it's been some time since i last posted. and i think this is quite substantial to last for some more time? ah, as and when the inspiration (and motivation) comes i suppose. activation energy is terribly high these days - must be something to do with age.
Friday, August 03, 2012
and the lilies of the field
been able to have very meaningful conversations the past week, especially yesterday and today. really love spending quality time with people and talking about stuff that matter. although of course it's debatable as to what is considered 'stuff that matter', but i suppose things that aren't frivolous or superficial? when you're able to go deep into conversation, talking about personal things and feelings, thoughts and opinions and viewpoints. always a joy to be able to hold conversations like that.
and then the thought came to me: i've mellowed down so incredibly much especially over the past year. i dont know if it's cos of thailand, or perhaps age catching up with me, but i've just been so calm lately and able to take things rationally and objectively. i'm a lot less hot headed than i used to be, and i actually stop to think now. maybe it's got something to do with being in uni? i dont know.
and then there's the realisation that hit me the other day, and this thought has been recurring over the past couple of weeks. i haven't got many friends whom i can really go so deep into conversation with. but at the same time, i feel incredibly blessed that i've got these friends. and the amount of time i've known them all vary. some i've known all my life, others barely a year. i guess this is why people have fewer and fewer friends as they grow older. you just see the friends worth keeping and friends not. and i suppose it's not a bad thing. for me, i want to be able to spend more quality time with each of them.
and then the thought came to me: i've mellowed down so incredibly much especially over the past year. i dont know if it's cos of thailand, or perhaps age catching up with me, but i've just been so calm lately and able to take things rationally and objectively. i'm a lot less hot headed than i used to be, and i actually stop to think now. maybe it's got something to do with being in uni? i dont know.
and then there's the realisation that hit me the other day, and this thought has been recurring over the past couple of weeks. i haven't got many friends whom i can really go so deep into conversation with. but at the same time, i feel incredibly blessed that i've got these friends. and the amount of time i've known them all vary. some i've known all my life, others barely a year. i guess this is why people have fewer and fewer friends as they grow older. you just see the friends worth keeping and friends not. and i suppose it's not a bad thing. for me, i want to be able to spend more quality time with each of them.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
last night,
i thought a lot. i mean, i usually think a lot (i think i do anyway), but last night was a different kind of thinking. i'm not quite sure how to put it into words, but there was revelation last night, as well as conviction. it's been a long time since i last thought about things so earnestly and sincerely and meaningfully, and im glad i was able to, and that i did.
it will be a true faith journey starting now. i'm not expecting it to be easy, and i've had to make some very, very difficult and tough decisions to consciously let go of the things that are standing in my way of developing my relationship with the Lord, and i'm also pretty sure that there will come that time when i'm faced with the temptation to give up, and just take the easy way out. this may also result in me feeling this entire thing is meaningless, and just stop halfway. i can't say that these definitely won't happen. and i cannot say i know that the Lord will definitely be there beside me to help me out and everything, because there may come the moment when i doubt, and start to question excessively, and with my already lack of faith, i don't know how i will come to terms with that.
in fact, i don't even know how things will turn out. and i will be honest and say that i'm extremely apprehensive at this stage in whether or not i will be able to press on. but i suppose part of the reason that God has called me to making this decision is to increase my faith. so knowing that there may be a chance i may turn away, i'm gonna consciously try and increase my faith, put it in the Lord, and let Him deal with it.
last night was a terrible night emotionally. but at the same time it also helped me realise 1) how little faith i have, 2) how i'm really not what i think i am, and 3) how i've been asking the wrong questions. i don't know if it was due to the lack of sleep, or the amount of teaching that i had to do during cell, or the news that i received after cell, (perhaps a combination or culmination of all 3?) but it was the first time i felt tired in this way. really drained and helpless. and i guess this is probably what nic means when he says that he tires himself out so that he has to rely on God rather than himself. i could identify with it (not saying i endorse it though), and i guess i do need to be more emphathising and compassionate. try to put myself in the other person's shoes and try to understand from their perspective. i used to be able to do this. to be able to really understand and also give allowance for the opinions and behaviours of other people. i wonder when i started to become so critical and disapproving.
anyhow, i've still got a few issues i need to settle before next month. more decisions to make, more to pray and think about, and lots of heart preparation as well. i don't know if i'm making too a big a deal out of this, but it's a major struggle for me. but well, i've committed it fully to the Lord, and i'm just going to listen out for Him, and allow Him to use me.
it's gonna be a wild ride.
it will be a true faith journey starting now. i'm not expecting it to be easy, and i've had to make some very, very difficult and tough decisions to consciously let go of the things that are standing in my way of developing my relationship with the Lord, and i'm also pretty sure that there will come that time when i'm faced with the temptation to give up, and just take the easy way out. this may also result in me feeling this entire thing is meaningless, and just stop halfway. i can't say that these definitely won't happen. and i cannot say i know that the Lord will definitely be there beside me to help me out and everything, because there may come the moment when i doubt, and start to question excessively, and with my already lack of faith, i don't know how i will come to terms with that.
in fact, i don't even know how things will turn out. and i will be honest and say that i'm extremely apprehensive at this stage in whether or not i will be able to press on. but i suppose part of the reason that God has called me to making this decision is to increase my faith. so knowing that there may be a chance i may turn away, i'm gonna consciously try and increase my faith, put it in the Lord, and let Him deal with it.
last night was a terrible night emotionally. but at the same time it also helped me realise 1) how little faith i have, 2) how i'm really not what i think i am, and 3) how i've been asking the wrong questions. i don't know if it was due to the lack of sleep, or the amount of teaching that i had to do during cell, or the news that i received after cell, (perhaps a combination or culmination of all 3?) but it was the first time i felt tired in this way. really drained and helpless. and i guess this is probably what nic means when he says that he tires himself out so that he has to rely on God rather than himself. i could identify with it (not saying i endorse it though), and i guess i do need to be more emphathising and compassionate. try to put myself in the other person's shoes and try to understand from their perspective. i used to be able to do this. to be able to really understand and also give allowance for the opinions and behaviours of other people. i wonder when i started to become so critical and disapproving.
anyhow, i've still got a few issues i need to settle before next month. more decisions to make, more to pray and think about, and lots of heart preparation as well. i don't know if i'm making too a big a deal out of this, but it's a major struggle for me. but well, i've committed it fully to the Lord, and i'm just going to listen out for Him, and allow Him to use me.
it's gonna be a wild ride.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
backflow
so things turned out rather unexpectedly today.
skipping to the main highlights of the day, had lunch with ex-HOW and it was a really good time of catching up. i think for us, although we didn't start off as the strongest or closest bunch, and our inertia like omega high, but we go a long way man. and the word that i think really really describes us is 'stable'. yeah. i think there's no more appropriate word. and i was just thinking, it's been about 4 and a half years since we started out as a cell, but the experiences that we've shared and times we've been through together have been SO much. to the extent that we're forgetting what happened when hahah. like seriously, the number of sleepovers, the number of movies, the number of dinners, the random things that happened. it's just been nothing short of amazing. i guess my only regret is that all this didnt happen earlier. and it was only when we really started getting closer then there was a change in cells. but today's lunch really brought back memories. it was good just being able to spend time with each other, talking, laughing, listening to each other's stories and discussing our lives. it's all so much more meaningful now.
after lunch we headed over to awfully chocolate where 5 of us shared one slice of cake and one scoop of ice cream. cheapskate max man hahaha. then i got kidnapped by sien and isaac hahah and we went in search of a place to sit and talk at i12katong, but couldn't find anywhere, so we walked over to parkway (since isaac also wanted to get a cd) and spent the longest time at gramophone waiting for sien and ended up at cedele. again.
it's always such a joy talking to the two of them, and it's interesting how God decided to use the two of them together to lead the same cell. and i'm also very thankful that they always jio me to go talk with them. always enjoy listening to their conversations; i always feel more educated and enlightened after listening to them, and there's always something to take away from their conversations. it's terribly exciting, though it can be very challenging at times, but to me, it's a lot more meaningful than the frivolous daily conversations. and yeah, i really appreciate that.
so we spent ages just talking, and talked and talked and just kept talking. i think if we were all holidaying and had the time we would never have stopped talking. hahah. brought back memories of that night in thailand in that coffee shop where the three of us just sat and talked.
in a very brief summary, today was a good day filled with meaningful conversation and time spent well.((: and i'm grateful for that.
skipping to the main highlights of the day, had lunch with ex-HOW and it was a really good time of catching up. i think for us, although we didn't start off as the strongest or closest bunch, and our inertia like omega high, but we go a long way man. and the word that i think really really describes us is 'stable'. yeah. i think there's no more appropriate word. and i was just thinking, it's been about 4 and a half years since we started out as a cell, but the experiences that we've shared and times we've been through together have been SO much. to the extent that we're forgetting what happened when hahah. like seriously, the number of sleepovers, the number of movies, the number of dinners, the random things that happened. it's just been nothing short of amazing. i guess my only regret is that all this didnt happen earlier. and it was only when we really started getting closer then there was a change in cells. but today's lunch really brought back memories. it was good just being able to spend time with each other, talking, laughing, listening to each other's stories and discussing our lives. it's all so much more meaningful now.
after lunch we headed over to awfully chocolate where 5 of us shared one slice of cake and one scoop of ice cream. cheapskate max man hahaha. then i got kidnapped by sien and isaac hahah and we went in search of a place to sit and talk at i12katong, but couldn't find anywhere, so we walked over to parkway (since isaac also wanted to get a cd) and spent the longest time at gramophone waiting for sien and ended up at cedele. again.
it's always such a joy talking to the two of them, and it's interesting how God decided to use the two of them together to lead the same cell. and i'm also very thankful that they always jio me to go talk with them. always enjoy listening to their conversations; i always feel more educated and enlightened after listening to them, and there's always something to take away from their conversations. it's terribly exciting, though it can be very challenging at times, but to me, it's a lot more meaningful than the frivolous daily conversations. and yeah, i really appreciate that.
so we spent ages just talking, and talked and talked and just kept talking. i think if we were all holidaying and had the time we would never have stopped talking. hahah. brought back memories of that night in thailand in that coffee shop where the three of us just sat and talked.
in a very brief summary, today was a good day filled with meaningful conversation and time spent well.((: and i'm grateful for that.
unfinished
been back for about a week, and well, just been adapting back to singapore life and getting my days packed. i think i need to actually start applying some of the lessons i picked up from thailand to my life here in singapore, if not spending 2 months in thailand maciam like wasted.
so for the past week that i've been back i've had a decent balance of human interaction as well as time for myself. went for sushi party with the vders immediately on the night of my return, went for combined cell on sunday, went for invest on monday (managed to catch up quite a bit with lianne), had salad's surprise on wednesday, went for lunch at cacio e pepe with the foodies on thursday, then had breakfast with jiap and jessica, lunch with bryan and dinner with john on friday, and then fusion tonight. hm okay maybe a bit more human interaction than i desired, but i took a walk on wednesday night and it was a good time of reflection. i should make it a weekly habit. and i had tuesday to myself as well, so i guess that was good.
i realised that time here in singapore passes so quickly because my days are all packed and i've got something on almost everyday. but in thailand there is just so much time to myself and i think i got a little bit too used to it hahha so trying to get back used to the life here is taking more effort than i expected. it's surprisingly draining for me, more so than previously, but i suppose it has to do with the people as well? idk. different cultures, different experiences.
i'm trying to meet up with people as much as i can for the rest of the hols, especially people who i wont get to see in school, and also the cell kids. it's sometimes really so tiring just to plan a meetup with the kids, cos they've got exams coming up so i dont want to disturb them, but i dont wanna wait till their o's are over cos that's gonna be a bit..long. idk. i guess i should just try and meet as many as possible? but then i dont wanna shortchange the others whom i dont meet up with. ohh myyyy. who ever knew taking up a cell had so many other things attached to it./:
in terms of spiritual life, God has been revealing the most unexpected (but powerful) things in the most unexpected (but curious) ways. it's been interesting hearing from God; the next step is to take action and actually do something about it. there are so many other personal things that i need to get down in black and white, but i dont think i'll do it here. for some reason i feel this is so public although i dont think anyone comes. i feel like the paranoid parrot from 9gag hahahahha.
so for the past week that i've been back i've had a decent balance of human interaction as well as time for myself. went for sushi party with the vders immediately on the night of my return, went for combined cell on sunday, went for invest on monday (managed to catch up quite a bit with lianne), had salad's surprise on wednesday, went for lunch at cacio e pepe with the foodies on thursday, then had breakfast with jiap and jessica, lunch with bryan and dinner with john on friday, and then fusion tonight. hm okay maybe a bit more human interaction than i desired, but i took a walk on wednesday night and it was a good time of reflection. i should make it a weekly habit. and i had tuesday to myself as well, so i guess that was good.
i realised that time here in singapore passes so quickly because my days are all packed and i've got something on almost everyday. but in thailand there is just so much time to myself and i think i got a little bit too used to it hahha so trying to get back used to the life here is taking more effort than i expected. it's surprisingly draining for me, more so than previously, but i suppose it has to do with the people as well? idk. different cultures, different experiences.
i'm trying to meet up with people as much as i can for the rest of the hols, especially people who i wont get to see in school, and also the cell kids. it's sometimes really so tiring just to plan a meetup with the kids, cos they've got exams coming up so i dont want to disturb them, but i dont wanna wait till their o's are over cos that's gonna be a bit..long. idk. i guess i should just try and meet as many as possible? but then i dont wanna shortchange the others whom i dont meet up with. ohh myyyy. who ever knew taking up a cell had so many other things attached to it./:
in terms of spiritual life, God has been revealing the most unexpected (but powerful) things in the most unexpected (but curious) ways. it's been interesting hearing from God; the next step is to take action and actually do something about it. there are so many other personal things that i need to get down in black and white, but i dont think i'll do it here. for some reason i feel this is so public although i dont think anyone comes. i feel like the paranoid parrot from 9gag hahahahha.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
breathing (still_)
MY GOODNESS.
i havent blogged at all this entire year! and i didnt realise as well.
anyway, i realised that although i dont think anyone reads this antique thing, once in a while people might come across it (like how i did with another today O:) so better be careful with what i'm writing.
hahah anyway this is just proof that i'm still alive and i'm still keeping this blog alive. i'll do a reeeely proper update for my time here in chiang mai when i get back to singapore.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
knowledge, help, hope
so many things to blog about, so little time! and i have a feeling i'm probably never going to get down to doing the movie reviews, so in short, just watch all three.
plenty of updates: church camp, hongkong, and sunday school camp. but i'll just touch on sunday school camp for this post.
having grown up in sunday school, when i went for this camp, i felt really old. i still remember the past ss camps, when i was a participant, and now im making friends with kids that are 8-12 years of age. this journey that God has walked with me has been nothing short of amazing.
i'm extremely thankful for this particular ss camp, although i was really quite drained and stressed throughout. and thinking about other unimportant things as well. anyhow, i spent most of the first day taking care of judith, and God has truly taught me lessons through her. i learnt to see her through the eyes of God. this time round, God really opened my eyes to see her innocent little heart. it's so easy to just brush her off and think that she doesnt understand anything, but that is not true. she can do the actions to worship songs by heart, and i know that when God sees that, He is pleased, because she is so sincere, and has no other motivation. God has taught me patience in a very interesting way this time.
taking charge of the skit for the joo chiat cc outreach event was also another opportunity that i got to work with people i've never seriously worked with before. kids like keefe and vernnon, and even jay who's not from our church. from the youth, bryan and kvell, and God has blessed me with this platform to get to know each of them so much more. i admit i felt it was a burden at first, because it meant more things to worry about, and less time to self. but God has taught me (once again) that if things are done according to his plan, there really is no burden, because he will make things come to pass, and he works in his time.
i think it was really quite an incredible feat that the whole team managed to pull off the skit within a week, right from the start all the way until the final presentation. sure, there were hiccups here and there, changes and uncertainty and doubt and hopeless and weariness, but the knowledge that you've served God to the best of your abilities, within your capacity, and that your work and service reaches out and touches the lives of others, i think theres nothing greater.
in other news, i've twisted/sprained my ankle, and i still dont know how i will manage baptism tmr, but we will see how things go. and i hope my ankle recovers quickly and happily.
plenty of updates: church camp, hongkong, and sunday school camp. but i'll just touch on sunday school camp for this post.
having grown up in sunday school, when i went for this camp, i felt really old. i still remember the past ss camps, when i was a participant, and now im making friends with kids that are 8-12 years of age. this journey that God has walked with me has been nothing short of amazing.
i'm extremely thankful for this particular ss camp, although i was really quite drained and stressed throughout. and thinking about other unimportant things as well. anyhow, i spent most of the first day taking care of judith, and God has truly taught me lessons through her. i learnt to see her through the eyes of God. this time round, God really opened my eyes to see her innocent little heart. it's so easy to just brush her off and think that she doesnt understand anything, but that is not true. she can do the actions to worship songs by heart, and i know that when God sees that, He is pleased, because she is so sincere, and has no other motivation. God has taught me patience in a very interesting way this time.
taking charge of the skit for the joo chiat cc outreach event was also another opportunity that i got to work with people i've never seriously worked with before. kids like keefe and vernnon, and even jay who's not from our church. from the youth, bryan and kvell, and God has blessed me with this platform to get to know each of them so much more. i admit i felt it was a burden at first, because it meant more things to worry about, and less time to self. but God has taught me (once again) that if things are done according to his plan, there really is no burden, because he will make things come to pass, and he works in his time.
i think it was really quite an incredible feat that the whole team managed to pull off the skit within a week, right from the start all the way until the final presentation. sure, there were hiccups here and there, changes and uncertainty and doubt and hopeless and weariness, but the knowledge that you've served God to the best of your abilities, within your capacity, and that your work and service reaches out and touches the lives of others, i think theres nothing greater.
in other news, i've twisted/sprained my ankle, and i still dont know how i will manage baptism tmr, but we will see how things go. and i hope my ankle recovers quickly and happily.
Sunday, December 04, 2011
movie reviews
ok this is insane, i have watched 3 movies in 1 week = too much money gone.
i will do movie reviews in time to come, just not yet. when i finally find the time, just for me to keep memories of them. but, highly recommended, and while it is still showing, go watch 'You're the Apple of my Eye'. fantastic show. pretty crude, but extremely funny.
i will also do a review on Kaiji 2 and Already Famous. Kaiji 2 has stopped showing, but Already Famous is still screening. do catch it if you can, good laugh.
i will do movie reviews in time to come, just not yet. when i finally find the time, just for me to keep memories of them. but, highly recommended, and while it is still showing, go watch 'You're the Apple of my Eye'. fantastic show. pretty crude, but extremely funny.
i will also do a review on Kaiji 2 and Already Famous. Kaiji 2 has stopped showing, but Already Famous is still screening. do catch it if you can, good laugh.
Friday, July 22, 2011
epic journey
yesterday was such a tiring day.
had the first full run for the musical, and mgs girls really kill my brain. mg has really changed so much over the last 3 years after i left. the girls these days are sooooo spoilt. or maybe it's just the particular girls who are helping out for crew, but oh my seriously. not funny.
anyway, that aside, after rehearsal, as i was walking down to the bus stop with crystal, she discovered this little boy walking behind us, and we were wondering where on earth his parents were, cos he was seriously young and definitely shouldnt be allowed out on his own.
anyway to cut the long story short, we asked him to lead us back to his home. he's such a clever and brave boy, but wayyy too naughty. from the sterling, we walked all the way back to maplewoods and he even knew the way back to his unit! ohh myyy such a clever boy. and along the way we found out he was 4 years old, and from auckland.
then when his mum finally found him, she suddenly starting spouting out a string of japanese. we just died hahahah.
anyway, he was a very very cute boy, but we were very very tired after that. what a story to tell man. machiam like come out from drama. hahah.
had the first full run for the musical, and mgs girls really kill my brain. mg has really changed so much over the last 3 years after i left. the girls these days are sooooo spoilt. or maybe it's just the particular girls who are helping out for crew, but oh my seriously. not funny.
anyway, that aside, after rehearsal, as i was walking down to the bus stop with crystal, she discovered this little boy walking behind us, and we were wondering where on earth his parents were, cos he was seriously young and definitely shouldnt be allowed out on his own.
anyway to cut the long story short, we asked him to lead us back to his home. he's such a clever and brave boy, but wayyy too naughty. from the sterling, we walked all the way back to maplewoods and he even knew the way back to his unit! ohh myyy such a clever boy. and along the way we found out he was 4 years old, and from auckland.
then when his mum finally found him, she suddenly starting spouting out a string of japanese. we just died hahahah.
anyway, he was a very very cute boy, but we were very very tired after that. what a story to tell man. machiam like come out from drama. hahah.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
junior's lessons
i was looking for pictures from mrs noah's arc which im so sure i had it somewhere on my blog, but i cannot find it for some reason. what a waste. i'm so sure i posted it, maybe i didnt publish it...
okay found it here so i did publish it, but i think my previous blog posts were all too long, so blogger didnt show the full month's archives.
anyway, looking back at that production, i realised i've met suven and bob before, but of course, never expected that i should work with them again in 4 years. anyhow.
i was just reflecting on working on this production, and although i complain a lot about rehearsal and about the kids and all, i think im still very thankful that i have this opportunity to work with children. somehow, although they are difficult in the sense that it takes really long for them to settle down, and there are loads of other problems to solve, one thing i really appreciate about them is their sincerity and innocence. they don't judge you for who you are, and when you scold them, they don't take it personally and they bear no grudge. of course, maybe half the time, it's because they have no idea what on earth is going on, but i really love their transparency and their genuinity. they really just accept you, and so many of them are jsut yearning and wanting that attention from you.
makes me think about what i am like as a child of God. do i reflect that same kind of transparency and sincerity? am i non-judgmental? do i forgive and not bear grudges?
i think God has really taught me a lot from working the past 7 months on this musical. i love the children, and sometimes, to be very honest, i find it so much better to work with them than the adults.
i know i always say that i don't want kids, but i still hold true to that statement. i wouldn't mind working with kids, but i wouldn't want kids of my own because they will ultimately grow up to become adults.
well, we're 10 days away from production, and things are still moving pretty slowly, but it's all in God's hands.
but the road ahead is dark
the path we seek we cannot see
okay found it here so i did publish it, but i think my previous blog posts were all too long, so blogger didnt show the full month's archives.
anyway, looking back at that production, i realised i've met suven and bob before, but of course, never expected that i should work with them again in 4 years. anyhow.
i was just reflecting on working on this production, and although i complain a lot about rehearsal and about the kids and all, i think im still very thankful that i have this opportunity to work with children. somehow, although they are difficult in the sense that it takes really long for them to settle down, and there are loads of other problems to solve, one thing i really appreciate about them is their sincerity and innocence. they don't judge you for who you are, and when you scold them, they don't take it personally and they bear no grudge. of course, maybe half the time, it's because they have no idea what on earth is going on, but i really love their transparency and their genuinity. they really just accept you, and so many of them are jsut yearning and wanting that attention from you.
makes me think about what i am like as a child of God. do i reflect that same kind of transparency and sincerity? am i non-judgmental? do i forgive and not bear grudges?
i think God has really taught me a lot from working the past 7 months on this musical. i love the children, and sometimes, to be very honest, i find it so much better to work with them than the adults.
i know i always say that i don't want kids, but i still hold true to that statement. i wouldn't mind working with kids, but i wouldn't want kids of my own because they will ultimately grow up to become adults.
well, we're 10 days away from production, and things are still moving pretty slowly, but it's all in God's hands.
but the road ahead is dark
the path we seek we cannot see
Friday, July 15, 2011
the homeless and the heartless
wanted to put this post up two days ago, but got a bit procrastinaty, but here it is.
as i was walking home from the bus stop after surprising salad, as i was nearing my block and heading towards the lift lobby, i saw an aged man folding and laying towels. as i neared him, i realised he was making his bed on one of those ledges. he had a black suitcase near him, and his pillow was made of smaller folded towels bunched together.
i felt like giving him something to eat, but i had no food with me. i felt like giving him some money, but i had no cash with me. so i just walked past him, like every other normal person would.
i guess the reality of the matter is that i was just making excuses for not having the courage to help him, although no one was looking. or was it because no one was looking, so i didn't bother to help him? i could have easily bought something from the coffeeshop for him to eat. i could have just walked a little bit more to withdraw cash from the atm. but i didn't.
it's impractical to want to help every needy person on earth, but isn't it like the story of the boy on the beach who was throwing starfish back into the ocean. the task may be seemingly impossible, but if my reaching out will help that one person, shouldn't i extend it? even if i may face rejection, even if i may face judgment, i shouldn't care about what others think of me right?
but it's so much easier said than done.
as i was walking home from the bus stop after surprising salad, as i was nearing my block and heading towards the lift lobby, i saw an aged man folding and laying towels. as i neared him, i realised he was making his bed on one of those ledges. he had a black suitcase near him, and his pillow was made of smaller folded towels bunched together.
i felt like giving him something to eat, but i had no food with me. i felt like giving him some money, but i had no cash with me. so i just walked past him, like every other normal person would.
i guess the reality of the matter is that i was just making excuses for not having the courage to help him, although no one was looking. or was it because no one was looking, so i didn't bother to help him? i could have easily bought something from the coffeeshop for him to eat. i could have just walked a little bit more to withdraw cash from the atm. but i didn't.
it's impractical to want to help every needy person on earth, but isn't it like the story of the boy on the beach who was throwing starfish back into the ocean. the task may be seemingly impossible, but if my reaching out will help that one person, shouldn't i extend it? even if i may face rejection, even if i may face judgment, i shouldn't care about what others think of me right?
but it's so much easier said than done.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
boyce avenue
just started listening to them. i like their music, and i like their covers. looks like they'll be sticking around for some time.
okay, i intended to put up a proper entry, but i am way too tired. have a lot of things on my mind to share, but maybe tomorrow morning.
for now, i shall retire.
okay, i intended to put up a proper entry, but i am way too tired. have a lot of things on my mind to share, but maybe tomorrow morning.
for now, i shall retire.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
jenga
was aiming to do a post last night, but fell asleep.
anyway. the musical is a little bit retarded. i dont think i will ever come to comprehend how the minds of little 7, 8 year old girls function. i dont understand how there is such a huge discrepancy between the maturity of girls the same age. it is truly a wonder. anyhow, the progress is a little bit slow, and there still many strings to tie up, but hopefully we'll be ready. well, at least now it's one of the things that take my mind off things.
met bev after dinner yesterday, (are you reading this?((:) which made me think what kind of a friend i've been. and to be completely honest with myself, not a very good one. i have a tendency to pile myself under loads of work and work, and i dont have time for friends. but actually, those are all excuses at the end of the day. it really doesnt take much time to drop a friend a text asking how he/she is. given my now-limited messages, but what was i doing in the past? am i a fair weathered friend? am i a monthly affair friend?
gonna meet joan for dinner tonight, and hopefully it'll be a good session of catching up and sharing our deep, deep troubles. but well, jokes aside, pray that ill be a good friend to her!
life is like a game of jenga. your world is perfect and stable at first, but then change happens which makes it unstable, before you finally crash and your world collapses around you. but take some time to let the pieces settle, and rebuild your life again.
edit//
God sure has a sense of humour. just as i finished posting this entry about friends, someone from a raffles prefects convention posted on my wall. to be honest, im never too keen on 'long time ago' friends saying hi, because it always gets awkward because there's nothing to talk about, other than "hi, how've you been?". i suppose that's one of the reasons why i myself dont bother catching up with people and checking in on how they are, because things get really weird after a while.
but i dont want that to keep happening. i want to make things more sincere. more heartfelt. i want each conversation to mean something to me, rather than just being polite and kind, and because it's the right thing to do.
Lord, guide me and teach me.
anyway. the musical is a little bit retarded. i dont think i will ever come to comprehend how the minds of little 7, 8 year old girls function. i dont understand how there is such a huge discrepancy between the maturity of girls the same age. it is truly a wonder. anyhow, the progress is a little bit slow, and there still many strings to tie up, but hopefully we'll be ready. well, at least now it's one of the things that take my mind off things.
met bev after dinner yesterday, (are you reading this?((:) which made me think what kind of a friend i've been. and to be completely honest with myself, not a very good one. i have a tendency to pile myself under loads of work and work, and i dont have time for friends. but actually, those are all excuses at the end of the day. it really doesnt take much time to drop a friend a text asking how he/she is. given my now-limited messages, but what was i doing in the past? am i a fair weathered friend? am i a monthly affair friend?
gonna meet joan for dinner tonight, and hopefully it'll be a good session of catching up and sharing our deep, deep troubles. but well, jokes aside, pray that ill be a good friend to her!
life is like a game of jenga. your world is perfect and stable at first, but then change happens which makes it unstable, before you finally crash and your world collapses around you. but take some time to let the pieces settle, and rebuild your life again.
edit//
God sure has a sense of humour. just as i finished posting this entry about friends, someone from a raffles prefects convention posted on my wall. to be honest, im never too keen on 'long time ago' friends saying hi, because it always gets awkward because there's nothing to talk about, other than "hi, how've you been?". i suppose that's one of the reasons why i myself dont bother catching up with people and checking in on how they are, because things get really weird after a while.
but i dont want that to keep happening. i want to make things more sincere. more heartfelt. i want each conversation to mean something to me, rather than just being polite and kind, and because it's the right thing to do.
Lord, guide me and teach me.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
show me Your heart
it was a good morning, then a not so good day, then a very good evening.
went back to ac to settle payment for the void deck, and sat in for aa3's gp lesson and met up with sa6 as well. really miss these kids, they (surprisingly) bring so much joy to my life. for the first time in a few days, my mind was taken off other things, and i could really laugh.
then went down to mg for rehearsal. the musical is somewhat coming along, still a bit worried about the standard and quality though and not much time left to rehearse with the kids, but they still aren't taking it seriously. and of course my personal spiritual struggle wrt conflict between the uppers. won't post here, for safety and security reasons, but God, please grant me the wisdom to handle the situation and patience to handle the people. sometimes, it really isn't funny.
then lmg thanksgiving dinner! it was okay, but i think cos there were so many empty spaces of time in between, i got a bit distracted and upset again. idk why this is lasting for so long. idk what the underlying lesson God is trying to teach me. i want to get over it. i want to rest. but im still feeling so burdened - but idk with what. and its a terrible struggle.
but in any case, the sharing and worship sessions were good. just hearing how God talks to each and every one of us so differently really encourages me. and knowing that he remains faithful throughout different circumstances.
You are on Your throne, You are God alone
ok, getting tired and i have other postings to do. but im slowly making up for the omega long hiatus, right!((:
went back to ac to settle payment for the void deck, and sat in for aa3's gp lesson and met up with sa6 as well. really miss these kids, they (surprisingly) bring so much joy to my life. for the first time in a few days, my mind was taken off other things, and i could really laugh.
then went down to mg for rehearsal. the musical is somewhat coming along, still a bit worried about the standard and quality though and not much time left to rehearse with the kids, but they still aren't taking it seriously. and of course my personal spiritual struggle wrt conflict between the uppers. won't post here, for safety and security reasons, but God, please grant me the wisdom to handle the situation and patience to handle the people. sometimes, it really isn't funny.
then lmg thanksgiving dinner! it was okay, but i think cos there were so many empty spaces of time in between, i got a bit distracted and upset again. idk why this is lasting for so long. idk what the underlying lesson God is trying to teach me. i want to get over it. i want to rest. but im still feeling so burdened - but idk with what. and its a terrible struggle.
but in any case, the sharing and worship sessions were good. just hearing how God talks to each and every one of us so differently really encourages me. and knowing that he remains faithful throughout different circumstances.
You are on Your throne, You are God alone
ok, getting tired and i have other postings to do. but im slowly making up for the omega long hiatus, right!((:
Sunday, July 10, 2011
robotz in dizguize.
okay, as promised, my transformers post! although i think i'll probably do another post on lj, here goes.
first and foremost, disclaimer: this is just my personal review of the movie. im not a hardcore transformers fan, but i do enjoy it very very much on a pretty superficial level, so forgive me if i dont understand the essence and the heart of transformers.
warning: may contain spoilers!
watched it at the new lido imax cinema. estee lauder is wayy too rich, they bought the entire cinema. it was crazy. and every pair of tickets was entitled to a free popcorn and a free nachos and cheese, and 2 drinks. it was pretty luxurious.
the screen in the cinema was (a little too) big, and the 3d glasses were strange after a while. to be completely honest, i think the most 3d thing about the whole 3d movie was the subtitles cos they popped out throughout the movie. the rest were kinda like...allright. i guess.
in terms of plot, there was none. okay, fine, some credit, there WAS a plot, but there wasn't much continuation from the previous two movies. i guess that's good for those watching transformers 3 for the first time, but well. and the storyline was wayyy too predictable. clearly not too much thought put in, i think the focus was on (as always) the cinematographic effects, which i will mention later. but i guess that's kind of trademark of transformers. it's a guy movie.
okay, for special effects, i thought it lost to the 2nd movie honestly. it was much too chaotic, half the time you see rubble and debris, and they didnt actually show that much transformation as compared to the 2nd movie. given that there were a lot more transformers in their robot forms, they were mostly nameless decepticons. too little screentime was given to the important transformers (ie bumblebee, megatron). too much on the humans who really aren't half as interesting as the transformers. not in this movie anyway.
characters were pretty simple and 1-dimensional, not many layers, pretty much the same. the only really interesting character i felt was Seymour Simmons. the rest just kinda fell flat. especially the new girlfriend. i wish they gave her a more important and significant role. her talk with megatron was far too desperate an attempt to make her vital in the movie. a bit sad, but yes. and sam's character in this particular movie is SO whiny. it's not endearing anymore. it's become annoying. and i find it quite strange how bumblebee develops feelings for sam. i mean, sure, its a movie. but still...
and they showed wayy too little of sideswipe here. and i just realised how small he is compared to optimus prime. or maybe optimus prime is big. but optimus prime is so annoying. he speaks in such a strange way and tone and his words are so cheesy. i know its the script, but i wish they added more value to his character. i mean, sentinel prime is so much cooler than optimus prime. optimus is just too...prime-ish.
and the movie was a little bit too long. 2 1/2 hours may be a little too long for some. but the action should keep you awake.
well, having said all that, it was generally a pretty enjoyable movie, im just being a bit bitter because sideswipe barely had any screentime. but well, like any other transformers fan, i did enjoy it for the action and effects and transformation. watch it if you have nothing else to watch.
RBG dinner is also FINALLY over, together with LoveMG, so the only thing that's left is the musical. which i like to believe will be over in no time. more things off my plate now.((: yes i can sincerely smile.
on a more serious note, things are still a little bit unsettled within me, but God has added a few songs to my mental prayer playlist, and this is one of them.
Just love them like Jesus
Carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
first and foremost, disclaimer: this is just my personal review of the movie. im not a hardcore transformers fan, but i do enjoy it very very much on a pretty superficial level, so forgive me if i dont understand the essence and the heart of transformers.
warning: may contain spoilers!
watched it at the new lido imax cinema. estee lauder is wayy too rich, they bought the entire cinema. it was crazy. and every pair of tickets was entitled to a free popcorn and a free nachos and cheese, and 2 drinks. it was pretty luxurious.
the screen in the cinema was (a little too) big, and the 3d glasses were strange after a while. to be completely honest, i think the most 3d thing about the whole 3d movie was the subtitles cos they popped out throughout the movie. the rest were kinda like...allright. i guess.
in terms of plot, there was none. okay, fine, some credit, there WAS a plot, but there wasn't much continuation from the previous two movies. i guess that's good for those watching transformers 3 for the first time, but well. and the storyline was wayyy too predictable. clearly not too much thought put in, i think the focus was on (as always) the cinematographic effects, which i will mention later. but i guess that's kind of trademark of transformers. it's a guy movie.
okay, for special effects, i thought it lost to the 2nd movie honestly. it was much too chaotic, half the time you see rubble and debris, and they didnt actually show that much transformation as compared to the 2nd movie. given that there were a lot more transformers in their robot forms, they were mostly nameless decepticons. too little screentime was given to the important transformers (ie bumblebee, megatron). too much on the humans who really aren't half as interesting as the transformers. not in this movie anyway.
characters were pretty simple and 1-dimensional, not many layers, pretty much the same. the only really interesting character i felt was Seymour Simmons. the rest just kinda fell flat. especially the new girlfriend. i wish they gave her a more important and significant role. her talk with megatron was far too desperate an attempt to make her vital in the movie. a bit sad, but yes. and sam's character in this particular movie is SO whiny. it's not endearing anymore. it's become annoying. and i find it quite strange how bumblebee develops feelings for sam. i mean, sure, its a movie. but still...
and they showed wayy too little of sideswipe here. and i just realised how small he is compared to optimus prime. or maybe optimus prime is big. but optimus prime is so annoying. he speaks in such a strange way and tone and his words are so cheesy. i know its the script, but i wish they added more value to his character. i mean, sentinel prime is so much cooler than optimus prime. optimus is just too...prime-ish.
and the movie was a little bit too long. 2 1/2 hours may be a little too long for some. but the action should keep you awake.
well, having said all that, it was generally a pretty enjoyable movie, im just being a bit bitter because sideswipe barely had any screentime. but well, like any other transformers fan, i did enjoy it for the action and effects and transformation. watch it if you have nothing else to watch.
RBG dinner is also FINALLY over, together with LoveMG, so the only thing that's left is the musical. which i like to believe will be over in no time. more things off my plate now.((: yes i can sincerely smile.
on a more serious note, things are still a little bit unsettled within me, but God has added a few songs to my mental prayer playlist, and this is one of them.
Just love them like Jesus
Carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Friday, July 08, 2011
idkwtd
it's been tough, and it's been a struggle.
i've reflected so much the past few days that i think there's nothing left in me anymore.
but that's where i know Jesus will come in and life my life again.
the past two days of devotional christian have been nothing short of apt.
6 July 2011 - In the midst of wolves, what does it mean to live as Jesus did?
7 July 2011 - I hate goodbyes
and even as i reminisced about the past and visited some of the old blogs (yes i cleaned up quite a bit), i realised that i wasnt the only struggling with my faith. so many of my friends are. and even people who i think are strong in their faith, they struggle too. and ive learnt that in life, you will never, ever stop struggling. you will always struggle with something. because its only through your struggles that you see Jesus. if life were perfect, Jesus would be pointless.
for he did not come to save the healthy but to heal the sick.
ive been crying a bit (too much) over the past few days as well. not being able to sleep, having no appetite, and just no mood to do anything. putting up a front so i dont disrupt the people around me. but i know that all this will be over soon. and everything will be ok in the end.
go ahead, cry. let your tears wash your eyes so you will see Jesus more clearly.
when i saw my classmates yesterday at the wake, i felt really so discouraged. some of them are christians, others not. but i felt so alone. i felt that God wasn't there at all. christians who swear, christians who smoke, christians who dont care about their faith. and i really felt so stumbled, because for someone who i believed was strong about his faith, i felt that he was such a hypocrite. the 1 year doing bible study with him, seems so wasted. i feel so cheated.
but even as i felt all of these negative emotions, i thought, are these a reflection of what i am like to others? do others feel disgusted and turned off by my behaviour and words too? am i a hypocrite to them?
Matthew 7
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
yesterday also reminded me of something that i've been saying, but never understood the true meaning of.
"but you keep turning to these empty wells whenever you're angry, whenever you're hurting, whenever you're lonely and tired, but they do not work." - God's Chisel
and suddenly the truth pours out to me. how often do we turn to distractions to numb or distract ourselves from the pain and the guilt we feel in our lives? but how much does God want us to turn to him? why do we always have the tendency to choose the harder and more painful route, than the easier and more peaceful way?
we are ultimately all God's creation, and he loves us and wants so much to fellowship with us. when will we stop pushing him away and turn back to him?
"you are my original masterpiece. you are one of my workmanship. in you i find favour." - God's Chisel
remember, kat, that life without Jesus is like a donut (the traditional kind), where there's a hole in the center of your heart.
on a much much lighter note, transformers 3 in 3d with the family tonight! i'm quite excited, and i'll be all ready to make another post on lj after tonight!
i've reflected so much the past few days that i think there's nothing left in me anymore.
but that's where i know Jesus will come in and life my life again.
the past two days of devotional christian have been nothing short of apt.
6 July 2011 - In the midst of wolves, what does it mean to live as Jesus did?
7 July 2011 - I hate goodbyes
and even as i reminisced about the past and visited some of the old blogs (yes i cleaned up quite a bit), i realised that i wasnt the only struggling with my faith. so many of my friends are. and even people who i think are strong in their faith, they struggle too. and ive learnt that in life, you will never, ever stop struggling. you will always struggle with something. because its only through your struggles that you see Jesus. if life were perfect, Jesus would be pointless.
for he did not come to save the healthy but to heal the sick.
ive been crying a bit (too much) over the past few days as well. not being able to sleep, having no appetite, and just no mood to do anything. putting up a front so i dont disrupt the people around me. but i know that all this will be over soon. and everything will be ok in the end.
go ahead, cry. let your tears wash your eyes so you will see Jesus more clearly.
when i saw my classmates yesterday at the wake, i felt really so discouraged. some of them are christians, others not. but i felt so alone. i felt that God wasn't there at all. christians who swear, christians who smoke, christians who dont care about their faith. and i really felt so stumbled, because for someone who i believed was strong about his faith, i felt that he was such a hypocrite. the 1 year doing bible study with him, seems so wasted. i feel so cheated.
but even as i felt all of these negative emotions, i thought, are these a reflection of what i am like to others? do others feel disgusted and turned off by my behaviour and words too? am i a hypocrite to them?
Matthew 7
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
yesterday also reminded me of something that i've been saying, but never understood the true meaning of.
"but you keep turning to these empty wells whenever you're angry, whenever you're hurting, whenever you're lonely and tired, but they do not work." - God's Chisel
and suddenly the truth pours out to me. how often do we turn to distractions to numb or distract ourselves from the pain and the guilt we feel in our lives? but how much does God want us to turn to him? why do we always have the tendency to choose the harder and more painful route, than the easier and more peaceful way?
we are ultimately all God's creation, and he loves us and wants so much to fellowship with us. when will we stop pushing him away and turn back to him?
"you are my original masterpiece. you are one of my workmanship. in you i find favour." - God's Chisel
remember, kat, that life without Jesus is like a donut (the traditional kind), where there's a hole in the center of your heart.
on a much much lighter note, transformers 3 in 3d with the family tonight! i'm quite excited, and i'll be all ready to make another post on lj after tonight!
Thursday, July 07, 2011
It takes faith to understand
And by faith we understand that we do not need to have all the answers, even though we continually seek answers.
Friday, May 06, 2011
the big day
watching the opposition party making final remarks against the pap is really off putting. criticising the pap really doesnt say much about the pap, but it says a lot about your party.
what was the difference between the speeches of the opposition parties (or wp and nsp at least) vs that of the pap?
both wp and nsp presented in a way that YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR US COS PAP SUCKS rather than because they want to grow singapore. that really makes me question their purpose for contesting. is their true objective to just make sure pap doesnt become the govt again? then after that? what happens? pap can justify their policy changes by looking at the country objectively. but the opposition? 'we will reduce GST to 5%' and we all understand why - because it makes people happy. but what are the other considerations that they have to take into account when reducing gst?
trying to move people using their emotions really isnt gonna work, cos theres no foundation. even if the opposition does win this round (though i highly doubt it), how long are they gonna be able to last? their speeches are mainly about what they can do for YOU, YOU, YOU. hello, you =/= nation ok. please look at it from a nation perspective. you please all the people but your nation fail then how. nsp stated that the government is focused only on the economic side and they just aim for gdp growth. but cmon look at it pragmatically. without gdp growth, how is your country going to grow in other sectors? if not for the many past policies that the pap made, opposition you wouldnt even be standing here today ok.
mr lee hsien loong on the other hand (yeah cos hes more or less the only name i know ahhah and i have a lot of respect for him) was able to deliver his speech from a really objective perspective, concerned about singapore as a country. he's also used proper and live case studies (ahemexamplesahem) to back up his point (ie the death of osama and hence terrorism) and highlight the importance of 'making the right choice' which of course every party uses. but neither of the two opposition parties i watched did the same, and so the impression they leave is really not grounded and their arguments are simply too airy fairy. unbelievable.
well, i guess for now none of this really matters to me, since i cant even vote. but it just annoys me how far opposition goes to ridicule the pap and what underhand means they use to cheat (not garner, cheat) votes. its ridiculous. i dont want people of no integrity to lead me. if you want to contest, then you do it fair and square. you dont lie to the senior citizens and pretend that you have the support of the people.
c'mon singaporeans. we dont use our brains much these days, but for this one time (in 5 years!) please think bout who reeeeely want to be governed by. to me honestly, opposition just isn't cutting it. if you want to challenge, make sure you're at least of the same or better standard.
the only good thing that the opposition has done is to make pap listen to the people more. thanks for that.
what was the difference between the speeches of the opposition parties (or wp and nsp at least) vs that of the pap?
both wp and nsp presented in a way that YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR US COS PAP SUCKS rather than because they want to grow singapore. that really makes me question their purpose for contesting. is their true objective to just make sure pap doesnt become the govt again? then after that? what happens? pap can justify their policy changes by looking at the country objectively. but the opposition? 'we will reduce GST to 5%' and we all understand why - because it makes people happy. but what are the other considerations that they have to take into account when reducing gst?
trying to move people using their emotions really isnt gonna work, cos theres no foundation. even if the opposition does win this round (though i highly doubt it), how long are they gonna be able to last? their speeches are mainly about what they can do for YOU, YOU, YOU. hello, you =/= nation ok. please look at it from a nation perspective. you please all the people but your nation fail then how. nsp stated that the government is focused only on the economic side and they just aim for gdp growth. but cmon look at it pragmatically. without gdp growth, how is your country going to grow in other sectors? if not for the many past policies that the pap made, opposition you wouldnt even be standing here today ok.
mr lee hsien loong on the other hand (yeah cos hes more or less the only name i know ahhah and i have a lot of respect for him) was able to deliver his speech from a really objective perspective, concerned about singapore as a country. he's also used proper and live case studies (ahemexamplesahem) to back up his point (ie the death of osama and hence terrorism) and highlight the importance of 'making the right choice' which of course every party uses. but neither of the two opposition parties i watched did the same, and so the impression they leave is really not grounded and their arguments are simply too airy fairy. unbelievable.
well, i guess for now none of this really matters to me, since i cant even vote. but it just annoys me how far opposition goes to ridicule the pap and what underhand means they use to cheat (not garner, cheat) votes. its ridiculous. i dont want people of no integrity to lead me. if you want to contest, then you do it fair and square. you dont lie to the senior citizens and pretend that you have the support of the people.
c'mon singaporeans. we dont use our brains much these days, but for this one time (in 5 years!) please think bout who reeeeely want to be governed by. to me honestly, opposition just isn't cutting it. if you want to challenge, make sure you're at least of the same or better standard.
the only good thing that the opposition has done is to make pap listen to the people more. thanks for that.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
3 months
wow. a short 3 months and a million things have happened. will this be a long post?
1. i got a job.
yes fantastic. relief teaching at ac, teaching gp. it's okay, kids are quite cute. i think i was quite lucky to get my classes cos they seem mature and from what i hear from joan and hannah and sarah, i am very thankful for my classes. work has been okay, but i just dont like using my brain, so sometimes i get a little bit frustrated when i have to think. and the gp dept makes you do many things other than teach, which is not a good deal. but nevertheless. it has been fun, and i hope it will continue to be fun. another 10 weeks! gogogo!!
2. i got another job.
is this considered moonlighting? i'm helping out, well i wouldn't call it helping out, since i'm being paid, but anyway. i'm involved in mg pri sch musical. the last time i did musical (or something related to drama) was 3 years ago, so i'm hoping i'll be able to cope with the demands of the professional drama people. it's so different when you're involved as a student compared to when you're involved as someone external. politics come in. hmmm. but anyway, the script is out, the songs are being written, everything's flowly smoothly for now. i'm really excited to see the end product.
3. lmg
yes, imma be in the comm! it's going to be so exciting, i just know it. i think God will really move in unexpected ways this year, and i love how he's been speaking to me so indirectly and telling me to depend on his time and trust his timing cos he's timeless. we dont know whats gonna come yet, but we know it's in His hands.
4. results
UGH. ok so i wasnt the most pleased with my results, and i think i could have done better, but God has taught me that results aren't everything and that he has a much greater plan for me in my life than i can ever imagine, so imma take him on faith and see where he leads me. scholarships and everything, yes, but God's plan first.
yeah ok i know it doesnt seem like much, but well, maybe for me, its just been overwhelming and its been a learning journey too. the bad thing is, there's more to come. mmmmmmmmmmmm.
okay, to do list (though i probably wont refer to it anyway):
1. mark essays
2. lesson plan
3. plan meeting with miss k for tuesday
4. reply email
5. uni apps
6. musical rehearsal schedule
7. blahblahblah
okay we'll do it tmr.((:
1. i got a job.
yes fantastic. relief teaching at ac, teaching gp. it's okay, kids are quite cute. i think i was quite lucky to get my classes cos they seem mature and from what i hear from joan and hannah and sarah, i am very thankful for my classes. work has been okay, but i just dont like using my brain, so sometimes i get a little bit frustrated when i have to think. and the gp dept makes you do many things other than teach, which is not a good deal. but nevertheless. it has been fun, and i hope it will continue to be fun. another 10 weeks! gogogo!!
2. i got another job.
is this considered moonlighting? i'm helping out, well i wouldn't call it helping out, since i'm being paid, but anyway. i'm involved in mg pri sch musical. the last time i did musical (or something related to drama) was 3 years ago, so i'm hoping i'll be able to cope with the demands of the professional drama people. it's so different when you're involved as a student compared to when you're involved as someone external. politics come in. hmmm. but anyway, the script is out, the songs are being written, everything's flowly smoothly for now. i'm really excited to see the end product.
3. lmg
yes, imma be in the comm! it's going to be so exciting, i just know it. i think God will really move in unexpected ways this year, and i love how he's been speaking to me so indirectly and telling me to depend on his time and trust his timing cos he's timeless. we dont know whats gonna come yet, but we know it's in His hands.
4. results
UGH. ok so i wasnt the most pleased with my results, and i think i could have done better, but God has taught me that results aren't everything and that he has a much greater plan for me in my life than i can ever imagine, so imma take him on faith and see where he leads me. scholarships and everything, yes, but God's plan first.
yeah ok i know it doesnt seem like much, but well, maybe for me, its just been overwhelming and its been a learning journey too. the bad thing is, there's more to come. mmmmmmmmmmmm.
okay, to do list (though i probably wont refer to it anyway):
1. mark essays
2. lesson plan
3. plan meeting with miss k for tuesday
4. reply email
5. uni apps
6. musical rehearsal schedule
7. blahblahblah
okay we'll do it tmr.((:
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