Death always makes me slow down.
It makes me pause and ponder.
It makes me look and observe.
It makes me think and reflect.
It makes me worry and appreciate.
It makes me cry, but it also brings comfort.
It makes me mourn, but it also makes me celebrate.
It's surreal, but there's nothing more definite than death.
Received really bad and sad news today, and I'm a lot more affected than I should be. But I don't know why. I suppose whenever something bad happens, I'm forced to really just slow down and take account of my life. Usually I can handle it pretty well, but this time I think it's just a build up of everything that has happened in the past week.
Death is something really hard to come to terms with. It's really like, the final stop. The final moment. After someone dies, you never ever get to see that person again. Not physically anyway. It's so hard to cope with it. And memories of that person just kinda, live on. But you're never gonna see him or her again. And then you wonder, what did I do with my time when that person was still around? And then you realise, I need to make use of my time now with whoever who's still around. But over time, you lose steam, and it's back to square one. And perhaps another death occurs, and the cycle repeats.
I don't suppose we will ever learn from this. Death can be so sudden, and it just drives you into a state of shock. There's suddenly this wave of emptiness, and that's that. Until you recover from it. I think this time round, it's really the suddenness that hit me so badly. We just take the people around us for granted so much, and I don't think we realise the extent of it until they're gone. If I think about it now, is there anyone, if he or she died tomorrow, whom I would have been able to let go peacefully because I know that I spent my time with them well on this earth? I can't say for sure. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
It's a really lonely night tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment